This is my 25th year of life!

 And while I am not in any crisis at the moment (at least that I’m aware of…) I have come to learn that there is a never-ending list of reasons as to why a twenty-something (most specifically 25) struggles to find complacency in today’s hubbub of nonsensical reasoning.
Allow me to explicate:
Our society overflows with questions of ‘what’s next?’
  • In Elementary School: “What sports do you want to play next summer?”
  • In Middle School: “What sport do you want to solely focus on for the next 4 years?”
  • In High School: “What college will you grace with your presence?”
  • In College: “What specific field of study interests you enough (while you are at the tender age of 18) for you to choose to be engulfed in knowledge for the next 4-5 years and then you would want to proceed to work in for the rest of your life?”
  • After College: “Grad school? PhD? Certification?”
  • After Post-College Education while in first job: “How do you like your job?How was your weekend? What are you doing this summer?”
  • After First Serious Potential Mate: “Is this serious? When are you getting engaged???”
  • One Minute After Engagement: “WHEN’S THE WEDDING DATE??”
  • After the Wedding: “So, baby-making time soon??”

etc, Etc, ETC…… HOLY CRAPseriously??

 Why do we have to know what we think we will want to do next?
 Isn’t it just forcing us to look past what we are doing now?
The reason why I am where I am: 
At one point I was beginning to feel stretched too thin. I was in college and it was time to finally pick a major. Everyone I came in contact with just had to know the answer to this question. It was extremely crucial, apparently… And every time I had an “well, I don’t know…” answer, I felt more and more defeated. I felt eminent failure because I didn’t have my life planned out and, clearly, there was no excuse for my ridiculously pitiful way of living in the present. (That’s a little over dramatic but sometimes it was true!)
 So I did what I thought I had to and tried to get excited over this future path or the next. Trying classes focused on what I thought I would be interested in… but then once I wasn’t, I tried another. Every lost interest dug my hole of worry and despair deeper and deeper. Then I found psychology and oh, how I loved it! The subject was enthralling and frightening but applicable to everyone’s life, this was definitely the path for me… I was on my way to the life of a psychologist!
 Yadda, yadda, yadda… 
 My first job was in insurance. 
 Oh, I’m sorry, how did I make that giant bound you ask? Well, I’m not entirely sure.
 I have a hunch it had to do with the fact I still couldn’t make a final decision. You see, psychology as a science has many, many, many, different branches and I just couldn’t pick one. Also, I didn’t know what kind of a job field to look into at all so my parent’s suggested to continue my education with a Master’s. Then, after more back and forth, I chose Human Relations. I doubled up on classes and graduated in half the time but then I accepted the first job I was offered… on a golf course one day… for insurance. Why? Because I needed health insurance and I didn’t know what I wanted to do anyways so why not give it a shot (because that is the clearest way to make a lasting decision)?

The moral of this short story is that I STILL don’t know what I want. I can’t make final decisions regarding my future aside from a few basic things. Such as:

1.) I choose to be married forever
2.) One day I would like children
3.) I hope to live near my family
4.) I know I will go to heaven when I die
Those are the four things I am absolutely sure of wanting or having … but yet some of them are still so undecided.
So I have decided I will write about past experiences, present happenings, and future hopefuls in order to better clarify and comprehend why planning out the future makes for an empty present. Why my generation and the generations to follow don’t need to have perfect clarity in order to succeed or feel accomplished. I want to justify that being 25 and still not knowing what you want to be doing forever is not a crime!
Who’s freaking with me??
everyday i'm strugglin' (2)

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