Survive the Indy500

The month of May in Indiana is relative to eating your first fried Oreo at the Indiana State Fair… complete bliss. The sun glows brightly and shines longer throughout the day, the communities come out from hibernation and embrace the downtown attractions, and race day is just around the corner. Then this bliss is brought to a screeching halt when the Indy500 rolls into town. Holy Moses.

When I decided that I would attend this hallowed event, I knew I was going to have to bite my tongue the entire day… Because, y’all, I STRUGGLE with early mornings, miserably hot weather, and people who don’t understand Situational Awareness. And let me tell you something, race day is full of those things, full of ’em.

So I have prepared a list of things to expect, not do, or definitely do for the big day:

  1. There is no such thing as heading out TOO early
  2. Sunscreen is a must but so is shade! Grab a tent or umbrella
  3. There will be more people trying to look like rednecks than actual rednecks
  4. Wear as much USA as possible, to blend in of course
  5. SnakePit – it’s a gamble and a crapshot, take your chances or don’t
  6. Ear plugs are more than necessary
  7. Hydrate
  8. You might see a pair of boobs or two but definitely lots of butts
  9. Bring high protein snacks and energy drinks to keep up with the chaos
  10. NO Styrofoam coolers – big fail
  11. Park next to a bachelor party for free drink opportunities
  12. Bring a blanket to pass out on
  13. Cooler with wheels is the best way to travel
  14. Instantly forget there is even a car race happening literally all around you
  15. Lug all your crap home and then watch the race on TV because why? You couldn’t when you were IN THE FREAKING MIDDLE OF THE RACETRACK

That’s all you need you to know. That is, if you are planning on hanging out in the middle of the track. There are, you know, seats. But that’s a little luxurious. You want to be in the literal heart of the action and get lost in the random rave happening in the Snake Pit, right? 

There is also the opportunity to spend the night before and after the race right nearby. I wouldn’t recommend it unless you are vibrantly in your early twenties and can sleep through a parking lot party. B experienced a (luckily false alarm) bomb threat before he stayed the night. Delightful. 

You’ve been warned. 

everyday i'm strugglin' (2)

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